I'm trying to use more dashes in my punctuation

Things in the news this past week that support my continuing decision to be a recluse:

1) 22 year old Mohammed Reza Taheri-azar driving his rented Jeep into a crowd of people at UNC Chapel Hill , " punish the government of the United States for their actions around the world."

He has a mostly Persian name but in his 911 call his voice has that whiney, nasal, California-accent quality one hears coming out of so many privileged and spoiled young men in this country. The news services insist on referring to Taheri-azar as a native of Iran, practically making it part of his name and doubtless to stir up interest by key-wording the latest bug-a-boo in our war on ter'r, but he's been in this country since at least high school.

At the moment I cannot think of a more useless gesture, or a more empty message. No one was seriously injured and the story will soon be forgotten. Yet this stupid little twit will likely spend decades in prison, presumably thus destroying his parents hopes and dreams for a better life and future.

I can't wait for the TV movie.

2) Ambien sleeping pills being used as an excuse by people arrested for driving while impaired.

No doubt the civil suits will be staggering, brought on by people who were probably not following directions: taking more than the recommended dose and only getting four or five hours of sleep before heading out to their soul-deadening jobs in their gigantic gas-hog SUVs.

Being a serious nut-case I sometimes think there's a conspiracy to make the American male look as ridiculous as possible. Do you know who wears oversize short pants, ball-caps, and sneakers in the rest of the world? Ten year old children, that's who.

There was a guy picking up some take-out for his family and talking to some acquaintances. If you closed your eyes and listened to his voice you could visualize a normal 30-something guy with a normal life, but when you opened your eyes you got Beaver Cleaver on his way to his friend Lumpy's house while trying to avoid Eddie Haskell.

When I'm rational I realize that the caps and the baggy short pants that come down to mid-calf are just a trend that some smart marketing graduate saw as a money maker, but then I get the crazies again and I combine the ridiculous clothing with the overwhelming trend on television -- pairing overweight stupid men with smart, beautiful women who have breast implants and gigantic cephalic veins on their biceps from working out too much -- and I become convinced that this is the true attack on the United States, not some jerk in Dubai who's grandparents got shafted by the Imperialist West and is looking for some payback. Speaking of which, how's Michael Jackson doing in Bahrain? Anybody heard?

Last night I saw that, for eight samoleans, I could purchase "The Pyramid - Egyptian Studies Model Kit!" which consisted of a pre-folded and pre-cut piece of plain brown cardboard that, once Tab A was inserted into Slot B, would yield one small unadorned pyramidal shape. According to the package, the "model builder" was to provide:

1) white glue
2) fern fronds of a certain size and 1 roll of brown tape (to make palm trees)
3) blue construction paper to make oasis
4) white styrofoam pad
5) camel

Camel!!??! CAMEL??!!? If I'm putting out eight smackers I want one of those Excedrin PM caplet looking things that, when dropped into a glass of water, explode into a giant spongy camel shape! Bactrian or Dromedary, I don't give a rat's patoot!! Jesus H. Christ on a stick!

I just felt like ranting.
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