seaslug

New neighbors

I have new neighbors both downstairs and next door. The older woman next door moved in last week. When I first saw her she looked like she had a serious case of nerves. Turns out she does.

There's something wrong with the lock on her front door. The neighbor before her never seemed to have trouble with it in the four or more years she was there but I guess this one has bungled it. The lock has jammed and she's trapped inside her apartment. Her father is outside trying to open the door. I can hear his old man voice muttering about the landlord.

"That shon of a bitch. This thing was working just fine last week and he had to go and fuck it up. Go on and call that shon of a bitch and tell him to get out here."

His daughter, the tenant, does so, yelling into the phone at the top of her shrill, quivering voice, "You were supposed to put on a new lock and you didn't! Now I'm locked in my apartment! You get over here right now, you son of a bitch!" She slams the phone down. Apparently everybody is a son of a bitch in her family. She got the landlord's voice mail.

She and her father continue trying to get the door open.

"Just break it open." she says.

"That shon of a bitch. Now the key is stuck in the lock! Call him again." Dad replies.

She calls. "You pick up this phone right now!" she yells, again to his voice mail.

Neither of them knows where the landlord lives and they call instructions to each other through the jammed door. They talk about getting a locksmith.

"Should I call one?" daughter asks.

"I don't know." replies Dad in a defeated voice.

Dear father has just abandoned his daughter, my new neighbor. "I'm leaving. I can't stand here all day. I'm getting cold."

I don't know if I'll find out what happens because I'm going to see Wallace & Gromit in a bit. Will my new neighbor starve to death before rescue arrives? Seriously doubtful. You know, the walls are thin enough that she could probably just bust through into my apartment and escape, shrieking rhinocerous that she is, but no one wants that. I can hear her stomping around over there. I wonder what she's doing. Now it's deathly still. Oh the suspense!

Meanwhile, my downstairs neighbors are still a bit of a mystery. A boy and a girl. Both somewhere in their 20s. They drink a hell of a lot of beer judging by the recycle bin but they're so quiet! They have two beater cars and the boy delivers pizza for Amici's, who's food I've never tried. Maybe I'll order a pizza just to see what the boy does when he delivers to his own building. The boy is very thin, with short hair and wire rim glasses. He has a word tattooed in a gothic font all the way across his shoulder blades but I haven't made out, yet, what the word says. The girl I've only seen once in the darkness outside her door, right after they moved in. I can't even describe her beyond saying that she's thin, too. If they were locked inside their apartment they would definitely starve to death in minutes.

Who needs Netflix when you live in my building!
  • Current Mood: hiding in my apartment
I wish I could be invisible and spy on my neighbors. They're all interesting, but I dislike living next to them.

One time, I saw my Latino neighbor in his underwear. Whitey tighties.
how was the movie?
(as i typed this, i realized that soon enough i will prob be able to read a SoD review, upon your return home to the Apt of the Drama...
Indeed, I'm thinking about one right now. But, in short, it was clever with good animation and voice acting, as always.
I actually miss my crazy neighbors now that I'm house-dwelling. I am loving my mental image of the rhinoceros lady next door blasting through your wall all Incredible Hulk-like!
More of your fine writing.

This is priceless.

God. I am still laughing.

Now I am going to read about the freeing of the Wildebeest...

(Speaking of Wildebeests: I loved Curse of the Wererabbit!!)
Yes, the movie was marvelous. I'm so glad you think my writing is fine. It's certainly improved since I've started emulating the fine writers on my flist, like you.