Petty annoyances


A fly has been hanging around in my car for the last two days and HE WON'T LEAVE! He zzz's me goodbye in the evening and zzz's me good morning when I return. I take hand swipes at him fruitlessly, leaving the windows open in vain hope.

He looks hungry.

My neighbors across the street appear to be having marital problems. The husband, a bearded thin fellow with a deep tan from many hours working in the sun, his work van covered in Nascar stickers, has been outside the last couple of nights cursing and yelling. He sounds like my previous downstairs neighbor, The Woman Who Screams Fuck™, but being a man there's more potential for violence so it isn't as funny. "Cock sucker mother fucker!!" he yells, rather poetically. I peep, voyeuristically, through my bedroom window, the lights off, waiting to see if the wife, also deeply tanned, thin, and tattooed, will emerge during these tirades.

Of course, I should have seen it coming weeks ago. The wife has been drinking a lot more. Almost every time I see her, now, she's three sheets to the wind. She always makes the same comment with good natured, drunken, jollity: "My dogs never bark at you. Why is that? They're used to you." I smile and nod and walk quickly to my apartment, assuming a bad, tobacco spitting, tooth grinding rage from the husband and not desiring a beat down.

Their daughter is already in with the wrong crowd of teenagers down the street. One wonders what this forebodes for her. Probably a reality series followed by a book deal.

So, what have we learned today? I am telling a fly to buzz off, a husband is telling a wife to buzz off, and pretty soon all of you will be telling me to buzz off.
  • Current Mood: buzzed
Have you tried leaving food for the fly? I wonder what he would be interested in eating that you wouldn't mind leaving on your dashboard...

The mess in my car is probably what attracted him in the first place. He can eat the bodies of the dead insects in the rear window alcove.

How kind of you to consider the welfare of the fly. If he's still there in the morning I will relate your consideration. I'm sure Mr. Fly will be a-flutter with gratitude.
Try smearing some feces on the outside of the car door. That or glue sleeping lips to the same general area. Both are fly magnets.
Flies only live for a few days, right? He'll die soon.
See you in October!
my next door neighbors used to have these problems. but it was switched, with the old woman being the loud and abusive one. the little old man would just wander around, silently, while this hideous drunken wretch of a woman eternally in a soiled nightgown would screech and swing at him, sometimes connecting.

thankfully they moved out, leaving half a foot of trash layering the frong yard.
Bring the little bastard inside and let the cats have a go at him. I've been trying this tactic with you-know-who for several days now. The downside is me having to obsessively cover all my meals while eating (and scouring every food and bathroom surface available - many, many times ), but the upshot is he has his own pet with which to play. I've had ample opportunities to kill the damnable thing, but I've sufficiently anthromorphosized the cat (and not the fly) to feel guilty about killing it while, at the same time, cheering the damnable cat on to kit it GOOD.
Ah yes, as a matter of fact my small backup cat caught a fly as it entered through a hole in my screen door the other day. The fly was done for in a millisecond. And also eaten. Gross.

Which reminds me, I tried lima beans for the first time in about 30 years and liked them tolerably well. Weird. So now I can blame it on my mother's cooking.