I'm moving from Animal Planet to Lifetime

What a totally excellent job I did sewing a button back on my jacket! I threaded the needle on the first try and I was sure these old eyes were going to make that part of the effort take at least three hours. Yeah, I know. So what, right? Just celebrate the small victories with this moldering decrepit mollusc, alright? I mean, my knees are aching from jumping around in karate last night, okay? I'm feeling ancient at the moment so just give me my honorary gay vagina and piss off.
  • Current Mood: gay
  • Current Music: KCRW Music
Let's not beat around the bush any longer, hmm? Just brutally rape me anally because, like, I already have the threaded needle and everything for any injuries, and I can come up with some Preparation H if need be.

In our next episode I'll be making some doilies and knitting sweaters for the cats.
Got any buttons you need sewing? 'Cuz I'm down wid dat. Also, like a leprechaun, I'll mend your shoes while you sleep.
Shoes are the tools of the oppressor. Less than a boot and more than a slipper. Source of restraint and a brake to progress. Impediment to card counting in Las Vegas. Weapon of saboteurs. The sole (soul) an insult to arabs, yet fetish icon to many. Beware the shoe, my son, and shun the frumious bandersnatch. You have been warned.