Blade: Trinity sucks (like a vampire) ha fuckin' ha

Blade Trinity is listed as being written and directed by David S Goyer but the word written really has to be used fast and loose. The entire film is a series of one liners that could have been, and probably were, thought up by 14 year old posers in black trench coats who gather, every Friday night, outside the liberal arts building with the gals who, on, list their keywords as bisexual, biting, bondage, and blood. Parker Posey had the best of the one liners when she said that everyone should stop talking about dicks because it aggravated her envy. Yep, that's the best it gets. I'm going to have to rent Clockwatchers just to remember that she's a good actress. She wasn't here. Her giant prosthetic vampire teeth didn't help. No, actually, best supporting actor honors have to go to Jessica Biel's iPod. It got a lot of screen time. Really a shame, too, because there are some good actors in this film who have been given nothing into which to sink their teeth. Hahaha omg wtf eieio !!!112

The whole storyline of digging up the First Vampire just goes nowhere. He serves no purpose in the film. All of the vampires are, as Harry Knowles at calls them, euro-trash. First Vampire included. Those 14 year old poser boys with their goth girlfriends might possibly enjoy this, or maybe at least the club mix dance music soundtrack. For sure both the boys and girls will ejaculate all over the theatre at the sight of Jessica Biel's muscles. I know I did. So bring a tarp if you go.
  • Current Mood: bite me