angry purple

In which our hero rants senselessly yet again

The Anna Nicole Smith saga continues. Recently, Larry Birkhead literally jumped for joy, thrusting his fist into the air and exclaiming, "I told you so!" when it was confirmed that he was the biological father of baby Dannielynn. You would think he had won a lottery, and I suppose he has. Does Larry Birkhead remind anyone else of Kato Kaelin? There's the same look in the eyes, sly but stupid, and almost the same haircut as well. It makes me wonder if there's a genetic predisposition to be a sycophant. Larry Birkhead is set for life.

Meanwhile, the Anna Nicole Smith movie has been cast with singer/dancer/actress/Playboy model Willa Ford in the lead. If she doesn't fuck up the movie, Willa Ford is set for life, and she doesn't even have to marry a 94 year old J. Howard Marshall clone.

Back on the farm, Anna's half-sister, Donna Hogan, who, on Dr. Phil, admitted to having little contact with ANS for over a decade, has written a tell-all book called Train Wreck: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith in which she apparently drags her half-sister's good name through the mud. Imagine! The scandal! Asked why she did this, on pretty much every talk show ever, Ms. Hogan blatantly stated that it was because her feelings were hurt, she was upset by Anna's behavior towards her, and that it was closure. By trash-talking someone who is almost a stranger to her, Donna Hogan is set for life.

So, there you go. Unabashedly bad behavior rewarded once again. Clearly it chaps my hide. At the gym, last night, Dr. Phil happened to be on the television as I did my cardio, and as I read Donna Hogan's closed-captioned babble I lost the will to live while simultaneously wanting to heave the elliptical machine through the tv screen.

Outside, just now, I saw a homeless man, pulling a shopping cart full of crud. He was dressed in flowing black clothing, had a black do rag tied tightly to his head, and had a long black beard. He looked like a dusty photographic negative of Gandalf the White.

On the train this morning I was, as usual, sitting in one of the handicap seats. Oops, sorry, I mean "differently abled". Anyway, I was sitting in one of the seats you have to give to gimps when they show up. I sit there because most of the people are riding the train all the way into San Francisco and I get off in Oakland and it's easier to get out the door that way when the train is crowded.

I'm engrossed in my book when, suddenly, someone screeches out, "I need one of those seats! I can't stand!"

The four of us in the crippled seats jerk out of our personal reveries to see what the hubbub is and there's a skinny woman with a cane and the face of a martyr. Three people make a sort of show of standing up, sort of like they used to do on To Tell the Truth, starring Kitty Carlisle. Will the real sucker please stand up?

So, I stood up and let her have my seat. She starts to make a dramatic show of thanking me for vacating the seat, not in the least meaning "thank you" at all. Then her and another woman start sniping about Oh, what a shame it is that these seats are always taken and Oh, it's a good thing you spoke up or you wouldn't have gotten a seat and Oh no, I can't keep my balance and I'd fall over and Tsk tsk tsk what is the fucking world coming to!

Why don't you have a nice big glass of shut the fuck up, all right you ex-hippy looking tree hugging out of fashion hairstyle wearing patchouli eating give peace a chance bleating give liberals a bad name making breathing all my air battle-ax? Did you read the sign? It says these seats must be made available to persons with disabilities, not "Don't sit here unless you have a shriveled leg and a Texas-sized goiter." I made the seat available and you're not even the one who needs the chair, Flappy McFlapyourgums! Go save a whale.

And for yet another sign of the imminent apocalypse, a cow that eats live chickens -

  • Current Mood: eat my shorts
The second-to-last paragraph might be the best rant I've heard ever. EVAR!

Nicely done.
But why don't you tell us what you REALLY think? *vink*

In these here parts the signs aren't so ambiguous ('made available') they say RESERVED FOR CRIPS. Having said that I must admit, if there is an empty crip stall in a public washroom and the rest of the stalls are full I go in to the crip stall. Even if I have to tell the crip to spread 'em so's I can pee between their dead withered legs.

That chick is tethered - did you notice that? Probably the seventeenth chick that cow et during that whole vid.
That's what that was! I thought it was a long stalk of hay or something. Buncha third world perverts. First they ass rape their chickens then they feed them to their sacred cows. Well, I guess you gotta find some way to pass the time between shifts at the computer tech support call center.
Hey maybe they are trying to start a new delicacy - like the turducken. Except that they have to get the cow to eat something mid-sized and the mid-sized critter has to eat the chick.
And you may wonder, "Is it how?"

A kitten may turn into a cow

With bells and horns and

Tinned corned beef

Forests, profits

Plastic High Streets

I am he who is A B and Cee

An easy option

Like twentieth century

Satisfaction guaranteed

It's easy!
I'm not certain I've heard anything by PWEI before. I'm downloading some of their work now to have a listen. Thanks for turning me on to them!
I don't recall them being very good outside of X, Y & Zee.

Dude! I've downloaded three of their albums. They are rocking out with their naughty bits out! I just threw all my furniture over the balcony they are rocking so fucking hard!
Wow, you actually found three albums by them? They are pretty hard to get a hold of. Rock on, Garth.