Emo bullshit

I'm using my LJ as therapy, today, more than usual. I'm being blatantly negative in print and that makes readers scroll on past faster than anything, but I'm going to hork out this hairball anyway. Because it's my LJ. So, fuck you.

When I arrived at the office building in which I would work for the first two weeks of my current contract I met Mandy, one of the few people on earth who do not have an LJ. Like me, she had been recruited from back east and, like me, she had only just settled into her new digs in California. Each of us falling onto that commonality, we stuck together through our first couple days, looking for the right offices and leaning our heads together to whisper, "Is that the right room? Is this what we're supposed to fill out? Where do we go to accomplish what they've just told us?"

A friendship sprang up rather quickly and we both regretted that we were assigned to different projects on the contract. Nevertheless, we occasionally managed to have lunch or supper together, and I sometimes gave her rides to the airport since she flew home to Ohio most every weekend. We found that we trusted each other, which is a rare gift in the corporate world.

This week Mandy had to leave the contract early. Some of her personal effects were still in her hotel room in Sacramento and I volunteered to go and pack them up for her. I wish I hadn't done that.

A person's bedroom, even when it's a hotel room, can be so very personal even in the most impersonal ways. The smallest things can have such a profound effect. When I looked at the yellow duck slippers next to the bed, and the striped socks with individual toes, and the little spiky animal toys, that we use in our classrooms as rewards for answering review questions when we train, arranged in neat semi-circles on the night stand, I was, perhaps inappropriately, saddened.

I already knew that I probably wouldn't be seeing Mandy again because that's the way these things work. You meet someone on some temporary gig, be it a vacation or a work contract, and you know that once you go back to your homes that will be the end of it, so you have fun while you can. Maybe you'll call once or twice; send a few emails, but eventually you'll lose touch. The difference here was that, in packing up Mandy's things, I was seeing a little deeper into Mandy's life and personality than one usually does in these situations. You know what it reminded me of most? Cleaning up the personal effects of someone close to you who has died.

Coming so soon on the death of kat09tales, it affected me more than such a thing normally should affect someone, I think.

So, in the non-logical parts of my mind, the first two new friends I made in California are now gone, and it's really sticking in my craw more than it has a right to. I am entirely too emo about this and I think it's time to get a physical to figure out where the chemical imbalance is. This is patently ridiculous.
  • Current Mood: emo
never apologize for using lj to vent, that is what it's for.

I wish I had consoling words, but I find I generally have the opposite of my desired outcome.
You are absolutely not being ridiculous. The situation sounds like it makes perfect sense to me.
What you do in your LJ is your business. You do what you want. Really.

It takes a strong person to have such strong emotions. Count it as a blessing. It is most certainly not ridiculous and you do not need to feel guilty. I just wish there was something I could do to help. Vertual Huggs!!
I don't think having a heart qualifies as a chemical imbalance.

I hope you find comfort and healing as soon as you're ready for them.
I'd worry if you didn't react to this. I don't know why, but K had an effect on people. I've heard from a bunch (5+) who only had brief contact with her who were touched. I think it was partly because she didn't filter her feelings and really was enjoying life. Not running from this might be the best thing that can happen for (to?) you. Please give it some thought. R
I think it's perfectly normal to be upset, echoing what the other commenters have said. Being in a new place, you want to make roots, and it's hard enough to do that. When the roots you have set down are (in a way) ripped up, then it makes sense to feel sad and uncomfortable.

I am pointing, too. This is a rough part of the road and I am familiar with it. Take my hand.
To what location am I taking it, and won't you be needing it any longer? Also, if we lie in the road for a bit, can I use a pillow?

Thank you.
It seems normal enough to me to be upset over things like this.

Losing a person you connected with, even for a short time, is still a loss ... and all losses touch us in some way.
Grief, loss, and the shake-up of moving to a new place are all things that take time to recover from. Allow yourself time to be emotional if you need to; LJ's the best place to vent, too.
Coming from EMO/Vent-central, I *ascii* & *AOLove* you. Please don't beat up on yourself for this. As all others have stated, this is normal. You are the best kind of odd and you just logically explained why this is hitting you harder than you would like.