angry purple

Another cube rant

You! Yes, you! What the hell kind of shoes are you wearing? The way you walk in them you'd think there was no carpet on the floor at all! pound pound pound pound pound You're going to be a cripple by the time you're 50. And do you have to walk by my cube 23 times a day, at 60 miles per hour? You can't plan ahead and make one trip? And what's with the ban sidhe laugh shrieking out of your office at 130 decibels? heeheehiiiiiiiiheehee Take your damn pills! You sound like you may lose it at any moment. Knock it the fuck off, Speedy McAntsInYourPants!

And you! You and your friend from the other side of the building. What the fuck language is that? Is that Tagalog? Or is it some other dialect that requires you to apply spit liberally to a 30 yard radius? rrrrrrrrrrrr patapatapatapatapata Holy shit, woman! Can't you speak a nice, lilting Hindi like the people down on seven?

YOU! Over there! Loud mouth! You know what your lisping, nasally voice instantly makes me think of every time I hear it? Trench coats and remote, shadowy park benches. You sound like a pervert every time you open your word hole! If you're not registered as a sex offender, you should be just on the strength of that whining, weasely racket, you sleazy, shifty-eyed, stoat-faced, shit eater!

And what's with that toadying, fuzzy, sloth-headed mooncalf who constantly stands behind you and laughs at everything you say? He would be one of those who cachinnates in one long assibilating exhalation. Thomas the Tank Engine getting surprise buttsecks from 56 railroad dicks. heeeeeeeeeeze!! No wonder you like the sound of your own vacuous vocalizations.

In fact, you know who you two are? That's right, Dick Dastardly and Muttley! It's fucking Hanna-Barbera around here! Ye gods in hemlock!

Dastardly & Muttley
  • Current Mood: rantosaur
If you're not registered as a sex offender, you should be just on the strength of that whining, weasely racket, you sleazy, shifty-eyed, stoat-faced, shit eater!

I know that guy!

O Rantasaur, I love you.
Um, just so you know, there is this hatching egg thing on Facebook today that is totally screaming your name. I don't even know if you have a Facebook and I certainly can't be bothered to explain what the bleep a hatching egg is, but it just wouldn't be right if I didn't inform you of it.
oh Em GEE!!

I joined Facebook just to see what you were talking about. I tried to send one to myself and they're doing maintenance! Skulking sodomites!