angry purple

Fuck

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Californians are the WORST DRIVERS EVARRRR!!! Get out of the fucking passing lane you fucking bobble headed mouth breathing waste of skin!!

And those fuckers with the humpy little GPS antennas on their fuck-off-mobiles!! Stop looking at the GPS screen and watch the road!! Yeah, that's right, the GPS just told you to fucking turn here didn't it?! That's why you just cut across three lanes of traffic, isn't it, you fucking fucktard! You mullet wearing snaggle toothed jizz bag!!

I cannot say fuck often enough to adequately express my frustration and there are just no other words that suffice. Fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckity fuck sticks! Fuck a duck! Fuck a doodle doo! Fucky Potter and the Prisoner of Azkafuck! Fuck me and fuck you! I suggest we go fuck in your mother's bed while eating crackers and petting a cat named Mittens, you fucking wall-eyed, slack jawed cretins! In-fucking-credible.

In happier news, today a young Mexican woman with a mustache gave me the best haircut I've had in years. Her hands were swift and sure. She wielded scissor and comb with expertise and confidence. It was invigorating and sensuous. Simultaneously gentle and harsh. The buzzing electric razor tickled my neck and then clawed at my ear lobe. I was intrigued. My skull resonated. Best of all? Not one single hair down the back of my shirt.

Meanwhile, across the parking lot, in the Taco del Mar, a man with a bushy iron grey beard ate his Super Burrito Platter. The unruly hairs of his beard exaggerated every movement of his mouth and jaw as he chewed. It was fascinating and grotesque. He talked with his mouth full, and he never once looked up at his wife while he ate, but only down at the beans and cheese and rice of his meal.

I don't think I've had a fish taco yet. Well, not at the Taco del Mar, anyway, if you git me! *wink wink nudge nudge*
  • Current Mood: fuck
"Fucky Potter and the Prisoner of Azkafuck"

Now that my friend is destined to become a classic.
OMG. You gotta get out of that town-- or find some way to avoid driving-- it's, like, destroying your inner peace.

I could never put up with that kind of crap.
Well, I take a bit of license in the service of attempted entertainment, but I'm still glad I'm taking the BART into work today.
Fucky Potter and the Prisoner of Azkafuck!

That is the funniest thing I've seen in forEVAR!

If it's any consolation (which it isn't), Denver drivers are about as sucktastic.
What pisses me off no end is the drivers who interrupt my j-walking. Looks ahead, that's a red light you fucker. It means you are going to have to stop so what's the hurry in racing up to the next car's backside? Slow the fuck down and let us j-walkers cross in peace, I say. I'll give you a little wave for your effort. This is the big city you're driving in and j-walkers are a fact of life. Shit, I've had cops wave me across. There seem to be three types: the busy chatting on the phone type who don't notice and the Bastard Pieces of Shit who look right at you and make it their goddamned goal in life that day to prevent you from doing something "illegal". Kiss the junk in my trunk, asshole, I'm the one performing the cost-benefit analysis on whether I'll get a ticket or not, (which I never have) so I don't really stop to think about it, other than to check timing when I'm on the middle of a long block with lights at either end and I wait until the upper light turns red. Oh, and the sweet petes who slow down and let you cross: my favourites.
fuck
This is the fucking funniest thing I have ever fucking read. I laughed until I almost puked out my chocolate chip and macadamia nut cookie! I hate those fucking GPS-fuck-off-mobiles!!!
Re: fuck
I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Please use more caution when dining. Also, lavese los manos. Thank you.