seaslug

Did I do thaaaaaat?

On the news, this morning, was the story of a family, traveling in a motor home, that took a wrong turn and became snowbound and trapped for 17 days. Clearly just another case of a guy who refused to stop and ask for directions. Ooooo, snap!! Oh no she durn't!!

The software roll-out we were supposed to have this morning, at midnight, didn't happen. The clients (actually a hospital department) decided they had too many questions remaining and they postponed it. Plus, the main guy in that department has a serious case of the Feature Creeps.

Feature creep is when the client keeps thinking of changes or new things they want added to their software package, making the software implementors scramble to meet the request, and making it necessary to retrain staff already trained in what was in the software before, update the documentation, and re-test. No one has put their foot down yet and said, "You'll get all that in v. 2.0."

On top of that, the implementor on our team went out on a family emergency today and nobody knows when he'll be back. I was brought in just to do testing originally, but lately I've been updating the training manual, writing cheat sheets, coming up with a credentialing test for the contractors who will be assisting the client's staff after roll-out, and attending meetings. Because the implementor is now gone, tomorrow I have to write up workflows for the changed functionality we set up today, itself a change from the change we made yesterday, and lead a couple others in testing the new functionality. This is what some people call a target rich environment.

Because I've met with the client in tandem with our implementor, the client is sort of looking at me as go-to guy #2. If the implementor stays out I could probably parlay this into being my baby because certainly no one else wants to take charge. But oh the risks. Because I'm still a contractor I am eminently expendable if something goes wrong. However, success would probably guarantee getting hired by the hospital. On the other hand, I'm not sure that's much of a gain judging by how overworked the regular IT staff is. Plus, they have a current brain drain going on and that is never a good sign. I also don't really want to stay in PA. But "a bird in the hand", and so forth.

In the IT department there is currently an interim employee. Let's call him Joel. Because that's his name. An interim employee is sort of like a contractor or an intern meaning that when they don't need him anymore they will certainly slit his throat and grind his bones to make their bread.

To add insult to injury this is one of those little squeaky voiced, pimply faced, still living at home with his parents, anally penetrated by the family dog kinds of guys. If this was Family Matters he would be Urkel. If this was The Pebbles & Bamm-Bamm Show he would be Schleprock. If this was Family Guy he would be Neil Goldman. If this was high school he would be in the chess club and the AV department. Do schools still have AV departments? Who remembers film strips (*beep* *beep*), and jittery 8mm films about the dangers of poor hygiene?

This species attracts bullies like blood in the water attracts sharks. Of course my section of the IT department has one. Let's call him Dan because I'm not interested in changing names to protect the guilty. There are usually several bullies in every IT department. I've seen this behavior pattern all my life between males. I'm certain there's a female equivalent but I don't know exactly what that looks like. Maybe someone can enlighten me.

Oh, it's just brutal what Dan the Bully does to Joel the Whiny Wuss. Every morning Dan walks in, says good morning to everybody and then says to Joel, "Joel, you're fired! Get out!" Every word out of Joel's mouth is potential fodder for Dan. And Joel is one of these people who cannot help but say things that are easy to twist and corrupt. Today, in a meeting with the boss, two reps from our software's vendor, and other staff, Joel was sitting in a corner trying to be witty and funny in that completely inappropriate way that poor saps like him always do. You know how it goes: Joel would say something at exactly the wrong time in exactly the wrong way and everyone in the room would do everything in their power to completely ignore him and, thus, not encourage the behavior while, at the same time, sending violent psychic signals to just shut the fuck up already!!! It's only a matter of time before Joel comes in to work with a high powered rifle and kills all of us.
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I find it funny that the "lost in the woods" family had children with "creatively" spelled names and got lost because they misread the map.
"Did I do thaaaayaaaat?" is something me and Thomas say randomly to one another. :(